“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:8-9
 
“But as for me, it is good to be near God.
    I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; 
I will tell of all your deeds.” Psalm 73:28
 
Today I’m putting on my big girl pants and going. A week ago I made a call I’ve dreaded for months. You know exactly what I mean, we have all made one of those calls before...or maybe you’re still waiting. Whether it was a doctor call, a relationship call, a job call or a call for help. It’s the thing you’ve put off for days, months or maybe years because you just haven’t had the energy to deal with it...and everything you think it brings.
For sixteen years, I’ve asked the Lord to take it away, and for a long time human efforts have helped but time and pain have finally had their way in wearing me down, so I’m waving my white flag. I surrender. My self-sufficiency is no longer enough so I’m seeking help. This specific trial is physical but I’ve seen many a friend bear emotional and spiritual battles that are just as real and cost just as much. The Lord knows I’ve got a handful of those too wrapped up in my roles of wife, mom, sister, daughter and friend.
As I read this morning that His grace is sufficient, my heart is a bit distant. In the church world, I often hear that grace is ‘getting what you don’t deserve’ and when I think about my salvation, absolutely! My sinful self deserves none of God’s favor. But today, in this trial, I honestly can’t help but think ‘I sure am getting something I don’t deserve, and there is nothing pleasant about it…how is that grace?’ Off I go to the dictionary. Grace: unmerited divine assistance. Ok, that helps. When I can’t do anything about this situation, God's assistance is enough. I’m glad to read on that his power is made perfect in weakness because I identify with that part. Remember that white flag? 
While I've been dreading this day, I stop to take a breath and remember that for the last sixteen years the Lord has been near. He has always opened doors for me to shine his goodness into this (and many other) less than good situations. I know that he will give me the same divine assistance today if I call on him. I made the first call already, the next one should be easy. I think I’ll change my slogan from putting on my big girl pants to putting on his big God power.
 
In what situation do you need God’s power to assist you? Is it hard to admit that you are weak and need help? Make the call today.
 
Father, your grace is sufficient. Your assistance is enough. It’s okay that I can’t handle this on my own. You know it’s good for me to stay near to you but I often use my own strength to fight through this life. Thank you for making me weak today so I can have your power instead. I can’t wait to tell others about our adventure together. 

“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; 
he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8
 
“A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me.” John 16:32
 
I’m am not alone. I am not alone. You will go before me, you will never leave me. That worship song by Kari Jobe runs thru my head every single time I need to pee. I just want to be alone. For 30 seconds. A minute would be heavenly. Please! 
 
If you’ve ever been a parent, I’m sure you understand. I’m convinced there is a silent alarm set across the door of my bathroom. It could have been silent in the house for thirty minutes or more. Everyone working on projects, playing or reading but the moment I walk in the bathroom...Mom, where are you? I need you. Mom, can you look at this? Mom, he touched me. Mom, who was the first person to split an atom? I’m an extrovert by nature, I love being around people. Before kids on a personality scale of 1 being introverted and 10 being extroverted, I ranked a 10. The last time I took this test I ranked a 5. I contribute the decline completely to ten years of bathroom intrusions. 
 
As I read through the Bible, I see a constant push and pull between ‘please don’t leave me’ and ‘I need some space.’ Even Jesus lived and spoke of this tension. When he was tired and needed to be refreshed, he would often go away by himself to a hilltop or quiet place to pray. He even invited those in His presence to do the same. (he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” Mark 6:31) However, he also showed compassion and sacrificial love when he met large crowdswho had followed him after he tried to find some privacy. (Matt 14:13-14) Jesus knows what it is like to be constantly needed. Clothes tugged on and requests asked of him day and night. Even healing power taken from him by surprise. I love our real-life Bible sharing how the disciples went ahead for food while Jesus sat down at a well alone. He was plumb worn out and knows how it feels to need a break. 
 
Through the everyday ups and downs, our human bucket gets filled and poured out. Sometimes we need more filling and sometimes we overflow. Sometimes we want out of a relationship, sometimes we are hurt that those relationships are gone. In John 16, Jesus speaks to the disciples the truth that they will all leave him. The very ones who have been all up in his business for over 1,000 days are going to run away and leave him alone. These are the guys he wants by his side in the garden in his final hours. He doesn’t want to be alone, but he finishes with, “yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me.” If you have ever been or are currently in a situation where you feel completely alone and don’t like it, Jesus understands that too. 
 
I’m still learning to embrace the tension of being needed and needing to recharge. I believe our flesh battles it all our life. First wanting a break while caring for those around you and then missing that season when they are no longer there. In the moments where I look up and my heart skips a beat because no one is around, my spirit overflows with joy that I am never really alone. The Lord goes before me and he will never leave me.
 
Are you needing to get away and find rest today or do you need to ask others to come alongside you? What truth of God’s never-leaving presence do you need to embrace? 
 
Father, thank you for understanding my real-life struggles. Sometimes I need rest and a chance to recharge and that’s okay. Help me embrace interruptions of these times with compassion and love. Other times, I need support around me but don’t find what I need and feel alone. Fill my mind and heart with truth that even then, I am not really alone. You are always with me.

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!”Psalms 127:3-5

“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven....A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.”Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4
 
“But Jesus said, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children.” Matthew 19:14
 
To all the people trying to have a nice Friday evening at the food court, I apologize. I was me doubled over in laughter with my friend as our kids raced Nascar-style around us. It was me walking hoards of children up and down the corridor looking for some food joint, any food joint really, that was still open. It was me ignoring the whines, gut punches and falls while the smallest one drank out of every. single. cup. Sure, our planned nice-family-dinner hadn’t quite worked out and here all twelve of us sat in a food court in the midst of chaos but I once heard said ‘the table doesn’t have to be extravagant because the people always are’ and it holds exceptionally true tonight.

It’s been twelve years since the four of us sat together on couches comforting one another in our season of loneliness. Desiring children yet the medical reality forecasting something completely different. Understanding fully the path we each walked, we prayed, entrusted the future to the Lord, and committed to rejoice with and encourage each other.Years have come and gone. Information shared via blog or online. Christmas cards crossed paths, all while prayers remained. 
 
Tonight we are the chaos in your midst. Eight children in 6 years between us (yes you read that right), gifted by God as the fulfillment of His promise to provide. Some of these gifts came sooner than later, some from different cities and some as complete surprises but each a unique and tangible mark of God’s hand in our midst. And so I laugh and smile (and break for timeouts) and embrace the dirty looks because I am completely enthralled with the presence of my friend. No judgment or comparison between us. Just two moms walking in the grace and love of Jesus, laughing and sharing life...and thankful for husbands who are feeding our circus.

As the ever-moving amoeba of now-best-friends swirls with glee around us, I can’t help but feel the smile of my Jesus. “Let the little children come to me,” he reminded his closest friends. “The kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” They aren’t a problem, they are the purpose. You see us sitting in chaos, I see us sitting on couches. Not much has changed really. We still intimately understand this season of life. We still desperately need Jesus to walk us through each day and we still commit to rejoice with and encourage one another.

Who knows what twelve more years will bring? Gray hairs and laughter are a given. Maybe stories of redemption or celebrations of new beginnings. There might be tears of sorrow or frustrations at choices. Whatever that season brings, our friendship will remain...and maybe dinner will be better than a food court.
 
Who can you encourage today in the midst of their chaos? Do you need encouragement? Pray and ask the Lord to supply your need.
 
Father, I thank you that you bring along encouragement in my seasons of drought. This life of motherhood hasn’t quite worked out like I planned, but you are always faithful. Thank you for reminding me to steward well the gifts of children you have entrusted to me. 

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Isaiah 26:3
 
Fifteen years ago I had an assignment to take one Bible verse, study it and write a message. I vividly remember squatting against a wall in silence for a minute before I started my speech yet it felt like 10,000 minutes. I had chosen Isaiah 26:3 because after three failed surgeries the past year, I was currently in a season of waiting. As a habitual doer and go-getter, waiting still comes with great effort. Over the years I’ve found I repeat this verse to myself almost weekly. Waiting for a job, waiting for a good doctors report, waiting for a home to open up in another state while driving there in the moving truck, waiting years to get pregnant, waiting eighty-five days in a hospital bed once I was pregnant, waiting for the right counselor to help us, waiting for relationships to be reconciled and lots of waiting for prayers big and small to be answered. 

I wish I could say that I’ve learned to wait well and that it comes easy but I would be lying. This morning I’m faced with waiting again. In addition to four upcoming surgeon appointments and several unknowns weighing on my mind, we currently wait daily to see if school will start tomorrow. The enemy wants me to waiver and get overwhelmed with uncertainty during the ebb and flow of my days. How thankful I am that God’s Word is alive and active. Because I have hidden His word in my heart, I take a deep breath and remain steadfast. He is with me and promises his perfect peace even in this season of waiting.  He never failed me then and he won’t start today.
 
What are you waiting for God to do in your life? Are you choosing to remain steadfast and trust Him even when you don’t see results?
 
Father, thank you for never playing hide-and-seek with me. I can have your peace and you tell me exactly how to get it. Help me remain steadfast in your truth and trust that you are waiting with me.

For they don’t understand God’s way of making people right with himself. Refusing to accept God’s way, they cling to their own way of getting right with God by trying to keep the law. For Christ has already accomplished the purpose for which the law was given. As a result, all who believe in him are made right with God. Romans 10:3-4

I wish I was one of those people that love washing. Any kind of washing really: dishes, clothes, self...it’s a wet/dry thing; trust me. Vehicles are the worst. The blowing dust, dirt roads and winter ice melt all make for a nice hazy sheen that regularly adorns my van. Summer is great because I recruit the boys to soak it down and scrub, but otherwise it’s too cold and I can’t trust them to not soak each other.
So now it’s really bad. After months of procrastination, I head to an automatic car wash, pay, pull thru the line and am stopped by the attendant. Sitting at the starting block watching the corridor of swirling motion ahead feels like waiting to walk into Pee Wee’s playhouse. Enough of that; focus on the guy waving his hands at me. 
This man is an excellent candidate for a charades competition. Pointing and directing, he silently guides me forward. A little left, turn that wheel, up some more...now stop. Then he points to the list of rules: arms inside, windows up, mirrors folded, antenna down, van in neutral. Check, check, ready to go. Not quite. He knocks on my window and points again to the bottom: hands off the steering wheel. Now I can go.
As I sit still in my moving car, I’m reminded of Jesus. I drove up to this car wash, paid my dues, listened to the attendant and followed all the rules knowing that the outcome would be a clean van. However, until I took my hands off the wheel and trusted the tire catch to pull me through, nothing changed. 
Same with faith, I can go to church, pay my dues, listen to the pastor and follow all the rules, but that only gets me to the right starting place. I have to let go and give my life over to Jesus to pull me through the wash. What a blessing to come out clean on the other side.

Are you still trying to make yourself clean?
What is hindering you from letting go and turning your life completely over to Jesus?
​
Father, thank you that you do all the dirty work. When I let go and give you control,
​you take my filthy sin and wash it away. Your payment for my sin on the cross was enough.
Help me to rest secure knowing you are in the driver's seat and I am clean.

A few years after we had our twins, a dear friend offered to teach Chris and I how to scuba dive. Living in the middle of the country, a day’s drive from the nearest ocean, it seemed a strange opportunity but we had learned to not kick gift horses in the mouth. Words don’t even begin to describe how that experience changed us and we began planning a grand celebration for our fifteenth wedding anniversary: diving the Great Barrier Reef. We have dear friends who have moved back to Australia, so making the trip held advantages in more ways than one. After years of planning, saving and seeking God for timing, we found ourselves waiting to board the Tusa6 dive boat headed out to the Great Barrier Reef...on Chris’s birthday no less.
Excitement coursed through my body as I suited up and took that giant step off the boat into the ocean. Chris never has any trouble jumping in and heading down, but every time I dive, I panic...just for a minute. (You know it’s not natural to breathe underwater.) Encouraged by my husband, I regained composure and began sinking deep below the surface. Five meters, ten meters, twenty meters. The beautiful expanse of the sea floor unfolded before us like a giant tapestry. We kept an eye on the local guides as blue sea stars, giant clams that I could fit inside, exotic fish and a green sea turtle swam circles around us. For an entire morning we explored ridges and valleys, crevices and coral shelves, yet upon surfacing each time, we found ourselves within earshot of the boat. What we had explored was truly just a drop in the ocean compared to what remained. Drying off on deck during the hour ride back, we saw glimmers of innumerable coral reefs just below the surface. Announcing their presence yet hiding the truth of the beauty and extravagance that lies within. 
Our creator God is even more extravagant. Revealing his presence yet containing unimaginable beauty below the surface. A world of adventure that would take innumerable lifetimes to explore. He beckons us to jump in, sink deep and trust him to be our breath as we explore the small drop of our life in the ocean of His plan. He is our ultimate guide, showing how each new turn opens up a world of intricate beauty we could never have found on our own. For half a day, I got to explore one of the seven wonders of the world, but I get to explore the wonders of my God every day for the rest of my lifetime.
“Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!” Romans 11:33 

“For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last through the night,
but joy comes with the morning.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭30:5‬ ‭
“The sun rises at one end of the heavens and follows its course to the other end.
Nothing can hide from its heat.”‭‭ Psalms‬ ‭19:6‬ 
“Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in you alone.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭33:22‬ ‭
In the midst of the silence I hear a shuffle around my bed followed by ‘mommy, I need you.’ Groggily I stir and get up to take his hand back to bed. ‘What’s wrong?’ I question. ‘I had a mean dream and was scared,’ his small voice quivers. We stop to pray and ask Jesus to restore peace and rest over his heart and mind. Usually he hops straight back to bed but tonight he lingers and turns for a long hug. ‘I love you a whole bunch, mommy....I can’t wait for the sun to come up.’ ‘Oh buddy, when night is over the sun always comes up.’
His mind at ease, he bounds back to bed as I shuffle back to mine, my mind racing with God's truth spoken right to the midst of my soul. Darkness hides so much stuff. It pretends things it’s not, grows fear and feels ongoing. It often drags on and tries to occupy my mind for longer than necessary. Praise be to the Lord of hope, the son of God, who never sleeps or grows weary. He sets the heavens in order and reveals his hand as the sun rises on a new day. I’m always in awe of the sunrise, with the first break of light the memory of night is gone. A new day awaits, the promise of life, and I can’t help but smile and take a deep breath. The night might be scary but joy is coming with the sun in the morning.
“But joyful are those who have the God of Israel as their helper, whose hope is in the Lord their God.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭146:5‬

“The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.” 
​Psalm 16:6
“And he said to the human race, “The fear of the Lord—that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding.”  Job 28:28 

Beginning on our honeymoon, Chris and I decided to dream big, save and plan for our special anniversaries. Every five years completed in marriage is a huge, miracle worth celebrating we thought. Year 5 was Disney World (no kids yet and wonderful...minus a small fight over the dropped camera.) Year 10 was Cozumel for a Scuba trip and on the ride home, Chris leaned over and said ‘15, Great Barrier Reef, Australia.’ Little did I know we were currently adding a new man to our mix and another would come along as well. With 4 kids underfoot and life responsibilities, would that trip ever happen now?  God is faithful and our diligence was rewarded with just one change order... bring the big boys along. 
We have a small pond at home and we’ve boated on lakes. I’ve even taken the boys to the Gulf coast near my home town, but standing where the wild ocean meets land just takes your breath away. The boys were terrified of the roar. 
We stayed with dear friends who have intimate knowledge of that oceanfront so Miles and his boys take over as teachers. They showed them how to jump and duck under waves, body surf and boogie board, but most importantly taught them about riptides and what the surf safety flags meant. After a week they were all in, to say the least. Saltwater now part of their DNA.
 
As I stood on the beach that final evening making sure the boys stayed between the flags, Luke came towards me with a huge smile on his face. ‘I love the ocean, it is so much fun!’ he exclaims running by. ‘Yes, but it is also dangerous,’ I remind him. His small frame stops and turns toward me, ‘just like God,’ he replies. And with that I’m reminded of truth. When I stay within the safety of His boundary flags, my God is love and fun and fills my soul with excitement. Outside of that protection, he is extremely dangerous, powerful and fierce. My strength against his current will fail every time, yet he longs for me to wade into the deep and laugh with all that is within me as I allow his love to wash over me. 

​Do you remember the first time you noticed your shadow? Or even better, have you been around a child that finally notices their shadow?  It's awe and confusion all at the same time. Jumping around, stepping high, turning circles and almost always trying to run away from it. All to try and make that strange gray thing disappear or do something different. Shadows can be fun or shadows can be scary. Outside it's fun to try to make our shadows longer or shorter, wavy or straight. Inside a dark room however, a shadow may incite fear. What I like to remind myself is that a shadow cannot exist on its own. It must have 2 things. An object and a light. The light is key because without light, even the object can't make its own shadow. The Bible says Jesus is the light of the world, He is the Son of God. As He shines on me and the objects around me, we all cast shadows. Some experiences are fun and exciting, some are uncertain and scary. My life is a running storybook with daily (sometimes multi-daily) opportunities to see Jesus working in all the little details, both good and not so good because I know Jesus is always around. He will never leave me or forsake me. I want to live my life noticing the shadows, not trying to run away from them, because the shadow is proof of the Sonshine.

Growing Contentment
This weekend, my neighbor called and said he had a few stacks of extra wood that he wanted to give me. Being a bona fide wood hoarder, I rushed right over. When I saw the stack of landscape timbers, I couldn’t help the happy dance that escaped. I knew exactly where they were going. 
Transferring the timbers to their new home in my front yard, I immediately began cutting, nailing and lengthening my beloved raised garden bed. It is rustic but wonderful! Thrilled, I walked inside and scratched ‘garden add-on’ off my prayer want list. Thank you, Lord, for this blessing.
Last night, God’s blessing still very fresh on my mind, my family curled up together to watch Fixer Upper. Now there are few things I enjoy more than ice cream, but gardening and the Gaines family are close rivals. (I hear your sigh) The television screen filled with a plan for a garden. Not just any garden but the most elaborate, beautiful, exquisite garden complete with chickens and picnic table and garden house. It was breathtaking and I soaked in every minute before heading to bed.
As I’m here in the kitchen this morning making waffles for my crew, the white index card clipped to the fridge door catches my attention. Each week we post our chores and a character trait on that card. This week it is contentment: being satisfied because God is working everything together for my good and his glory. The scene from last night flashes thru my mind and I’m acutely aware of how sneaky the enemy is, able to use a simple show to steal my joy and excitement over God’s evident blessings. He throws such a small seed of discontent into the mix that often I don’t realize that it even got planted.
Of course, it’s not magazine worthy but my garden is a gift. It feeds my family and provides lots of one-on-one dirt bonding time with my boys. Each moment I spend tending plants, I can’t help but think of the tender way God tends to me. Picking out weeds, pruning off diseased areas and fertilizing places that are blooming. 
As I return to waffles, I recognize the weed and when I pull it out, contentment settles in my soul. It is possible to truly enjoy others’ blessings while embracing my own, though they may look very different. In a few weeks the ice will be gone and the memory of that show will fade away, replaced with a new episode or two of some great renovation. The sun will come out and I’ll put twice as many seeds in the ground thanks to that scrap pile of wood. God is good and He gets the glory...all because I planted contentment.
“But godliness with contentment is great gain.”
1 Timothy 6:6